Friday, April 28, 2006
Colbert beats Kristol like a rented mule.
The last time Bill Kristol was on Comedy Central, he was doing victory laps. He even appeared on The Daily Show to taunt Jon Stewart. "It's not too late to join us," Kristol smirked. You gotta love the cosmopolitan parochialism of New Yorkers, so smug in their Steinbergian view of the world.
Then the wheels came off...
The war went into extra innings and the peripatetic cheerleader of the triumphalist march to the Tigris hunkered down on FOX. As time passed, he gamely tried to explain with increasing discomfort to an ever-shrinking audience of true believers how the best laid plans of mice and men oft gangly go awry. You could tell his heart wasn't in it.
Things went from bad to worse. The magic number of 3 dollars hit people in the face with more force than 300 Billion dollars. The mood of the country turned sour. Having preached the best defense was a good offense, Kristol decided to take the fight to the opposition. Kristol really should have had a few warm up fights before getting into the ring with Colbert.
Colbert entered the ring pumped with the enthusiasm he gleans from his audience. Kristol grinned gamely, but his eyes betrayed the glint of a deer searching for the source of that manly fragrance called "Scorn." He hugged the table like a girl who needed to go potty and wrapping himself in a defensive ball that screamed, "Don't hurt me!"
Colbert settled in and sized him up. Kristol came out strong trying to deflect any attack by preemptively taking credit for what will likely be a great performance by Stephen this Saturday night. Stephen stopped him dead in his tracks with a straight to the face.
Kristol rocked back on his heels a bit dazed at how badly his joke had backfired. Colbert laid into him..."How's that New American Century," he asked with all the sadistic glee of Edward G. Robinson asking, "Where's your God now, Moses?"
Unprepared for the frontal assault, Kristol stumbled, fumbled, and clutched the table to keep from sliding into oblivion. You could hear the little voice in his head screaming, "Help meeeeeee!" He took a standing eight count and wobbled back to the fray, realizing that he had sadly misread the situation, confusing his opponent for a friend.
In his confusion he blurted out "We can't let dictators kill their own people." The crowd waited for Colbert's response. Would he go nuts and suggest we demand dictators only kill people outside their country? Instead he hit him with a stunning streak of probing questions ending with a painful jab, "Where do we invade next?" He leaned back out of range and watched Kristol swing at air and lose his balance. Colbert put him in a head lock and made Kristol inhale the musky scent of Scorn, simply saying "I'm going to hold you to that," before letting him go.
Kristol fell to the mat. As he got up, Stephen pummeled him with a blurry flurry of jabs. What about boots on the ground? Who do we invade next? What about Iran? What about nuking someone?
Kristol went to one knee and cried "No mas!" Stephen clocked him with a right hook, "The best possible way to show them nuclear weapons are not what they want is to give them one." Kristol tried to absorb the double entendre but fell over. Stephen smirked and went to a neutral corner.
Realizing he had this fight won, Colbert started to toy with Kristol. He leaned against the ropes and let Kristol take his best shot. It was rope-a-dope at its best. "Iraq will be better", "poor execution but right strategy", "we will prevail", whoosh...Kristol was hitting nothing but thought he was scoring. Stephen peeked out from behind his gloves and taunted him like Ali taunted Frazier with "You're preaching to the choir." Kristol thought it was an opening and took the bait. He replied, "That's the best kind of audience." BOOM...Colbert unleashed a vicious inside uppercut. "Don't turn your back on them, they're likely to put a shiv in ya," he chortled.
A few more jabs and then Colbert hit Kristol with a combo that confused him into treating Rumsfeld like senators treat Abramoff. Colbert answered with a stinging jab "That's like ratting out a frat brother!" Stephen circled to the right and caught Kristol stunned and flat-footed with a right hook to the body. "Why is everyone turning on the president?" he asked. Pressing the advantage, he got Kristol to open up and admit he had called Bush incompetent. Stephen finished the combo with a strong right cross to the head, hitting him full in the face with "Do you support the president?"
Kristol blindly responded in the affirmative and Stephen hit him with a straight right to the midsection. "That's like saying, `Honey I hit you cause I love you...'" The crowd went wild!!! Dazed and confused, Kristol reached for the ropes and threw a low blow, "Sometimes that's true..." The crowd boooed... Kristol sheepishly admitted he doesn't really beat his wife. But the red in his face betrayed his thoughts. Hope you picked up some flowers on the way home, pal.
Stephen danced around a bit and started working the body. "Where are you going to get the troops?" "Do you favor a draft?" Kristol slipped the first few punches and said he doesn't support a draft. Stephen starting working from inside...got Kristol to admit he was draft age in 1972,was in the lottery for a year, but after Nixon got rid of the draft he didn't volunteer. Stephen did a quick head fake, and tagged Kristol while he is backing up with "Great Man." Kristol didn't even realize what hit him , but the crowd loved it.
Having shown complete mastery over his opponent, Stephen settled back and just kept putting a glove out ...testing his range but not really swinging. "How do we turn public perceptions around?" Kristol replied with a bunch of half-hearted lines, but didn't even try to defend himself when Stephen said, "Winning in Iraq is easy...what else?"
Realizing that Kristol was about to fall over, he tossed an obvious setup, "How many seats will the Republicans win in 2006?" Kristol said Democrats will take the House and the crowd went wild! He stumbled forward trying to tie Stephen up with the notion that Democrats in control of the House in 2007 will be great for Republicans in 2008, but Stephen decided to run out the clock and invite him back for another round.
Stephen's no fool. Everyone knows the real money is in the re-match.
If you missed the bout, or just want to relive it, check it out.
Mything the Point ©:
"Examining unexamined beliefs Americans accept on faith value."
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Mything the Point of "Vote or Die"
VOTE OR DIE
So street. So angry. So earnest. So what?
I don't know what name he's rolling with today, but it's clear that Puff or P or whatever his nom de jour is, has as much commitment to consistent political activism as he does to consistent brand identity.
The punk pimping the label "Vote or Die" has apparently voted to take the money and run.
The "Vote or Die" campaign to register young voters for the 2004 election seemed to be everywhere two years ago - as Combs promoted its message on high-profile TV shows and several voter registration events around the country via a private plane chartered specifically for the occasion.
(Hold that thought because we're going to come back to that jet.)
Now that the election is over, it seems as if the organization behind "Vote or Die" has ended as well. According to Fox411 columnist Roger Friedman, Diddy's political organization Citizen Change is pretty much a done deal. Friedman says he was told by sources that Citizen Change was only meant to be an occasional thing. One person told him: "The group wasn't intended to be active between elections."
(Hold that thought because we're going to come back to continuity of coverage as well.)
The column also notes the expenses incurred by Citizen Change during its April to November 2004 run, which included approximately $80,000 in travel expenses for the "Vote or Die' plane tour, $100,000 for photography by Mark Seliger, $541,000 on advertising and $252,000 for billboards. Citizen Change's total expenses came to over $2 million.
Ok...now we're talking. Let's look a little closer at the money here folks. I don't like it when Delay, Gingrich, or Halliburton plays that game. I don't like it when some colllege drop out entertainer takes a bunch of kids and leads them on a merry romp so he can launder money and evade taxes.
Why do I say that? Because it's an outrage.
The group's Web site is gone. Fine.
So are their offices. Fine.
But like a snail, they leave a trail of slime behind them. Their federal tax filing is available on Guidestar.org, which records the filings of not-for-profits.
To complicate matters, Combs' other not-for-profit, Daddy's House, states on its 2004 federal tax filing that it gave $245,532 to Citizen Change. Daddy's House, which runs summer camps for impoverished kids and is run by Sister Souljah (aka Lisa Williamson-Rodriguez), still posted a 2004 a paper loss of $344,097.
(I checked....it's true.)
By the way, I also noted that while Combs got no compensation, Souljah took home 75K from Daddy's House. Oh, and they spent 52K in "transportation" costs.
Here's why I bring this to your attention:
I don't like it when Trent Lott tries to steal $700 Million by playing on people's sympathies.
I don't like it when The Pentagon misplaces $2.3 Trillion playing on people's patriotism.
I don't like it when The Hilton Family ® puts profits before people - especially wounded soldiers.
I sure as hell don't like it when a bunch of college drop outs take advantage of people's aspirations and pretend to offer them a political platform when they are really just pulling the wool over their eyes so they can pick people's pockets, launder the money and use it to pay for tax-free bling.
This damages legitimate political activism in communities that desperately need a voice. This compounds the cynicism of people who are already alienated from the political process. This makes it even harder for people who are doing the hard work of pounding pavement to register voters. This trivializes the political process and turns it into another marketing vehicle for the latest fashion in clothing, music, or ring tones.
To be honest, I always figured Combs for an opportunist just grabbing as much money as he could ... he's juvenile. The people I really hold accountable here are men who should know better...who profess to know better ...who claim to be in this struggle for the long run. Men like Russell Simmons and Al Sharpton. All I can say is, if Russell Simmons is more interested in getting invited to Donald Trump's parties than building the Democratic Party... just get off the bus.
Of course, like the other outrages I have lamented, this one comes as no surprise to anyone who followed "Vote or Die." Paris Hilton was one of their celebrity spokesmodels. She didn't even register to vote!
Mything the Point ©:
"Examining unexamined beliefs Americans accept on faith value."